Podcast #23 - Divorced Dad Minute - Divorce 101: Step 4: Negotiation

The following is not legal advice

 

 Podcast #23 - Divorced Dad Minute - Divorce 101: Step Four - Negotiation: Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 496

Let's examine the next step of Divorce 101:

STEP #4: Negotiation - Most people rely on 1 or 2 negotiating strategies. Study, learn and apply the skills required to negotiate. Increase your options and you are closer to a creative win/win solution.

Most people rely on one or two negotiating strategies to persuade others to see things their way. Rarely will having only one or two negotiating options work in your favour. Especially if the person you are negotiating with has more options.  You need to study, learn and apply new skills to become a better negotiator. Go to a bookstore and you can find all kinds of books on negotiation.

Our recommendation: The Harvard Negotiating Project has a series of books. “Getting to Yes” by Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton is your best option in our opinion, to begin your educational process when it comes to becoming a better negotiator.

Communication really is the key component to any negotiation strategy and as you can see, these steps in Divorce 101 all begin to build on one another. When you increase your options, you're much closer to a creative win-win solution. Plus if you go into Family Court out of true necessity, you will have a far better appreciation of the subtleties of negotiation with your ex-wife’s lawyer and even the Judge when in the midst of a hearing about an issue for temporary and/or final orders.

Negotiation is one of the primary tools Family Court Judge’s expect both Mom and Dad to engage in to resolve a problem. When one person becomes totally inflexible, that often, (but not always) tells the Family Court Judge who the real problem is. To avoid that sort of label you want to learn how to “Think Before You Speak”.

Roy J. Lewicki, Alexander Hiam and Karen Wise Olander’s “Think Before You Speak”: A Complete Guide to Strategic Negotiation,  is the second book we’d recommend. On the back cover of the hard cover, there’s a great chart which summarizes the negotiating process and what each step consists of:

STEP 1: Analyze Strategic Issues: Overview/Plan; Assess your position and the other party; Analyze the Context the Situation is Taking Place In

STEP 2: Select A Strategy…

STEP 3: Initiate The Negotiation Process: Competition; Collaboration; Other Strategies

STEP 4: Manage The Negotiation Process: Building Collaboration; Resolving Conflict; Third Party Help To Resolve Conflict; Communicating; Legal Ethical Issues; Dealing With Multiple Parties in Negotiations; Global Negotiation

STEP 5: Obtain Outcomes And Learn From The Experience: Improving Negotiation

These five steps are the distilled into…

===> The Twelve Rules of Strategic Negotiation <===

RULE 1:     Wait! Take it slow. Take time to plan before you act.

RULE 2:     Define your bargaining range, and what you’ll accept in the worst case scenario.

RULE 3:     Define your interests: What do you want, what do you need and why?

RULE 4:     Pursue and protect your needs, not your position.

RULE 5:     Follow the eight steps of negotiation planning in Chapter One.

RULE 6:     THE OTHER PARTY holds the key to success.

RULE 7:     POWER gives you leverage over BOTH the outcome and the relationship.

RULE 9:     Don’t compete unless you are prepared to…LOSE

RULE 10:    Reciprocate “unfairly”…

RULE 11:    TRUST is easier to destroy than it is to build.

RULE 12:    INVEST in negotiations WISELY.

Resources such as these two books are an investment in time well spent to learn the skills necessary to de-escalate situations before they get out of control. They are also an investment for when they do get out of control and land in Family Court: You NEVER want a Family Court Judge thinking you are the problem. Therefore, invest time in learning how to become a better negotiator to reduce legal fees, and to re-position yourself within your facts as the problem solver, not as the troublemaker…

To avoid that sort of label you need to set aside some time for these two books. Don’t expect miracles at first; You simply need to put in some time to learn how to see things differently then you have been raised to since childhood, because “Getting To Yes” from your ex-wife often means you need to learn how to “Think Before You Speak”. As we move through the tips in Divorced Dad Minute, you’ll begin to see that with greater clarity.

The payoff from investing in this approach is less stress because you now have begun the process of divorce management through education. A less stressed parent, is a better parent. One that kids can relate to in an easier way. Making your children feel more at ease is a HUGE part of your strategy when “waging peace”. \

And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

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