The following is not legal advice

 

 Divorced Dad Minute # 17 - Winning = Peace For Your Child: Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 2016

Here's the formula for saving money, time and grief in Family Court when you are a divorced dad facing the enormous challenges and obstacles that men face during separation and divorce when things turn nasty:

Winning = Peace for your Child…

That's the perspective you must take to heart if you are to be a successful divorced dad. The equation:

Winning = Win at all costs

means that it is all about you, not the children. And the Family Court Judge will see that instantly. That will cost you a fortune in legal fees, yours and Mom's which the Judge will most likely award against you for being so focused on winning, instead of making it better for the children. There's also the cost of this ongoing fighting and how it affects the children. It affects children in a very negative way. For example, kids want their parents to get along. In fact, they want them to get back together, but if there's a divorce, that's not going to happen.

So, the next best thing then is making peace for your child - Peace for your child means winning for theor family.  It's a priceless gift. When you look at the statistics of what happens to children of divorce, those whose families are at war do poorly in school, learn poor social skills from watching this constant fighting, feel insecure, have poor self esteem.

This translates into young children having more problems as teenagers as they express their anger over their family situation through cutting classes, poor marks at school, juvenile delinquency, using alcohol and drugs, engaging in promiscuity. What these children are really expressing and saying in the only way they know how is:

"Can you hear me now?"

And every time they feel that they are not heard, their acting out becomes more severe. That's because they are still developing as people. They've not yet developed the language skills to articulate how they feel, the specific impacts the behaviour of Mom and Dad being at war is having on them.

Besides, even if they did have those skills, if their is a "culture of war" instead of a "culture of peace" when it comes to their parents methods of communicating on how to raise their children, how safe will these kids feel to actually share their feelings?

Children are neither stupid, blind nor uncaring - They love their parents dearly. When their parents fight at ever turn, this tells a child at some deep level, (whether they can actually express it in these words, or its just a very deep feeling of loss that they are having great difficulty in coming to terms with):  "…you don't love me enough to stop fighting….why don't you love me the way I need you to love me?"

Got it?

Winning = Peace For Your Child

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

 

 Divorced Dad Minute # 16 - Cost Benefit Analysis: Is It Really Worth Fighting Over?: Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 1884

Divorced dads in Family Court, have to pick their "battles". This often calls for "soul searching". The place to begin is to ask yourself: "Is this really worth fighting over?". Next ask yourself this question: "How would our children feel about me fighting with their mother?" When you've answered those two questions, you should have a brand new perspective.

Kids don't want their parents fighting over them. That is far different from asking thoughtful questions, inviting Mom to explain why she has taken a certain position, or why she's behaving a certain way. That's not confrontational. Even if Mom sees it as such, it doesn't make it so. And any level-headed person can see that. It's very important that a divorced dad see it that way.

The essence of waging peace when you are a divorced dad is this:

It is not about winning an argument; it's not about winning a certain Court order; it's not about being right and having the satisfaction of triumph. It's about loving your kids and meeting their best interests for peace.

Sort out what the priorities are, find common ground, build from their, because that is what will best serve your children if you need a Family Court Judge to intervene and accept your point of view.

Waging Peace is all about "The Art of Persuasion", which often relies upon how you are positioned. If you rise to the bait of anyone, you ten give away your dignity and power because you have handed control of your reactions to someone else's poor behaviour and choices.

That's not how you hold someone accountable; and in Family Court without the benefit of applying Cost Benefit Analysis, meaning how much is my strategy going to ultimately cost in terms of money, hard feelings, the children's peace of mind in their day-to-day life with Mom, the cost of the solution, if you can even get to a solution, let alone a workable compromise will dramatically rise.

So be smart, think through the following: If you feel like you are losing, won't you naturally do whatever you think it takes it takes to win? Doesn't that desire to win sometimes become irrational? Doesn't it sometime lead to poor choices?

If that is how it is for most people, why then would it be any different for Mom? Add to the mix the fact that women are allowed to wear their heart on their sleeves and get away with a great deal more then men, simply because that's the difference between how we raise girls and boys:

For example:

Daddy says to daughter after she falls off her bike and scrapes her knee and she's crying really hard: "There, there, don't cry - Daddy's here…"

Versus:

Daddy says to son after he falls off her bike and scrapes her knee and she's crying really hard: "Big Boys don't cry; take it like a man" and then tossles his son's hair.

We don't live in a fair world. When you realize that you have an accurate map that helps you to apply the benefits of Cost Benefit Analysis.

The name of the game is flexibility: The price of peace is always cheaper than the price of war in every way. The cost is not only how much you will pay your lawyer.

Think about it….

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #13

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - Introduction”. Tonight's call begins the Divorced Dad Roadmap 101 training calls for 2008. Many divorced dads are completely lost when it comes to where to begin, how to stay focused and how to reach their goals. In order to reach any destination, you need an accurate roadmap that will enable you to be able to judge with clarity and accuracy, where you've been, whwre you are and whwre you want to go to.

The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for the Family Court process. The purpose of these trainings is threefold:

First you'll discover if you need to work your way through any of the seven steps of our Divorce 101 training at any point during your journey

Second, the process provides you the means to figure out the answers to these questions:

Where am I now?
Where do I want to be?
How do I get there?

Third, it will help with you with general overview of the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court from finding the right lawyer, to how to conduct yourself in the many situations that will unfold during the Family Court process

This bears repeating: PREPARATION is ESSENTIAL to SUCCESS. You must begin working on your Divorced Dad Roadmap TODAY in order to optimize your chances of success NOW.

Tonight's call / telewebcast focuses on the the initial thinking behind creating this your Divorced Dad Roadmap for 2008, beginning TODAY.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #12

Our topic for Sunday's call is “Next Years Holiday Plan Begins Now: Divorce 101 Strategies Applied - Part Three”.Tonight's call concludes the Divorce 101 training calls for 2007. For some divorced dads, and especially for their children it was a horrible Christmas / Holiday season. Dealing with an unreasonable ex-wife and ex-in-laws can during the holiday season, birthdays and special times can be the most challenging aspect of divorce. Tonight we begin addressing what you as a divorced dad can do to improve your failing game plan when it comes to ensuring the struggle over how the children spend their holidays with you and you family, versus your former wife and her family

It bears repeating: The steps in Divorce 101 help support Dad's efforts to be the good man/father he claims to be; having at least one parent with a well thought out and well considered plan during this turbulent time is the best example for children when separation and/or divorce take place. It creates an opportunity for peace, or begins the process of using peace as a positioning tool in Family Court when Mom insists that "waging war" is the only way to peace. The Holiday season, birthdays and other special times are where these skills will meet their greatest challenges.

PREPARATION is ESSENTIAL to SUCCESS. You must begin making your holiday plan TODAY, in order for it to come about TOMORROW. Those divorced dads who wait till the last moment will face disappointment after disappointment, while those who see far into the future accurately and plan accordingly will find much success laying ahead in their future, not only during holidays and birthday's, but throughout the year. Waging peace in a vigorous and appropriate manner is the shining example of love your children need during this difficult time. Divorce 101 is the process in which to logically sort through the appropriate steps to reduce conflict when possible and to involve the Family Court to make the necessary orders to reduce conflict based on clear and compelling evidence of your efforts to wage peace on behalf of your children.

Tonight's call / telewebcast focuses on the pragmatic application of these steps to help you create your holiday plan for 2008, beginning TODAY.

This call / telewebcast begins to put together the pieces of your Holiday Divorce Management Plan to help you appreciate that having a process, strategy and tools in order to work one's way through your divorce management plan can reduce conflict, save money in legal fees and hep children better adjust to the realities of having two homes.

The most important concept for a divorced dad to recognize is this:

Children cope to the degree their parents cope during separation and divorce. Especially during the holidays, birthdays and other special times.. These steps will help you in your analysis of what went right and what went wrong in this year's holiday plan, and then taking proactive steps to prepare for next year's holiday TODAY, you will be giving your children the greatest of all gifts: The love of their father as expressed through forbearance, planning, observation and execution of a well thought-out holiday schedule and plan to use in negotiations with either your ex-wife, her lawyer or if necessary, a Family Court Judge.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice 

Download link for Action Guide #11 

Our topic for Sunday's call is “Christmas, Children and Divorce: Divorce 101 Strategies Applied - Part Two”.Tonight's call continues its focus on the many challenges and struggles Divorced Dads and Children of Divorce face during the holiday season.

The steps in Divorce 101 help support Dad's efforts to be the good man/father he claims to be; having at least one parent with a well thought out and well considered plan during this turbulent time is the best example for children when separation and/or divorce take place. It creates an opportunity for peace, or begins the process of using peace as a positioning tool in Family Court when Mom insists that "waging war" is the only way to peace.

Ultimately this puts truth to the lie - Waging war over children is never appropriate conduct at any time; Waging peace is the antidote to one of the most serious social problems of our time - the impact of separation and/or divorce on children. Christmas and Holiday time is one of the most stressful times for Children of Divorce - Divorce 101 is the process in which to logically sort through the appropriate steps to reduce conflict when possible and to involve the Family Court to make the necessary orders to reduce conflict based on clear and compelling evidence of your efforts to wage peace on behalf of your children.

Tonight's call / telewebcast continues its focus on the pragmatic application of these steps during the Holiday / Christmas period. We'll explore how to apply the remaining steps four - seven in Divorce 101 in pragmatic ways in order to come up with a holiday plan.

Christmas / Holiday Season is one of the most challenging times of year to face in a divorced family. The resolution to succeed is more important than anything else at this time by applying the ultimate best interests of the child test to work. You will be waging peace as the main focus of Divorce 101 strategies in any situation. This means that you will be actively extending an olive branch to reach resolution, or when that is impossible, you will be waging peace as a "cornering strategy" to tightly focus your evidence for the purposes of possible litigation, after extensive cost benefit analysis.

Part Two of this training focuses on acquiring and consolidating your "Divorce Management" skills: Using your example as the primary mechanism of teaching children coping strategies to navigate difficult relationship problems.

This call / telewebcast begins to put together the pieces of your Holiday Divorce Management Plan to help you appreciate that having a process, strategy and tools in order to work one's way through your divorce management plan can reduce conflict, save money in legal fees and hep children better adjust to the realities of having two homes. Children cope to the degree their parents cope during separation and divorce. Especially during the troublesome holiday season. These steps will help you in your analysis of what went right and what went wrong in this year's holiday plan in preparing for next year's Holiday. This will be the subject matter of next weeks call / telewebcast.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #10

Our topic for Sunday's call is “Christmas, Children and Divorce: Divorce 101 Strategies Applied - Part One”.Tonight's call focuses on the  many challenges and struggles Divorced Dads and Children of Divorce face during the holiday season. Tonight's focus will be exploring how to apply Divorce 101 in pragmatic ways in order to come up with a holiday plan.

Christmas / Holiday Season is one of the most challenging times of year to face in a divorced family. The resolution to succeed is more important than anything else at this time by applying the ultimate best interests of the child test to work. You will be waging peace as the main focus of Divorce 101 strategies in any situation. This means that you will be actively extending an olive branch to reach resolution, or when that is impossible, you will be waging peace as a "cornering strategy" to tightly focus your evidence for the purposes of possible litigation, after extensive cost benefit analysis.

Part One of this training focuses on not getting caught up in "paralysis analysis". At some point you need to recognize and accept when progress can best be made outside of Family Court, and when  going to Family Court is the only option.

We emphasize the following point again:

Having a process, strategy and tools in order to work one's way through a divorce management plan can reduce conflict, save money in legal fees and hep children better adjust to the realities of having two homes. Children cope to the degree their parents cope during separation and divorce. Divorce 101 helps support Dad's efforts to be the good man/father he claims to be; having at least one parent with a well thought out and well considered plan during this turbulent time is the best example for children when separation and/or divorce take place. It creates an opportunity for peace, or begins the process of using peace as a positioning tool in Family Court when Mom insists that "waging war" is the only way to peace.

Ultimately this puts truth to the lie - Waging war over children is never appropriate conduct at any time; Waging peace is the antidote to one of the most serious social problems of our time - the impact of separation and/or divorce on children. Christmas and Holiday time is one of the most stressful times for Children of Divorce - Divorce 101 is the process in which to logically sort through the appropriate steps to reduce conflict when possible and to involve the Family Court to make the necessary orders to reduce conflict based on clear and compelling evidence of your efforts to wage peace on behalf of your children.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #9 

Our topic for Monday's call is “Divorce 101 - 7 Step Review Process: Your Tools To Wage Peace During Divorce”.Tonight's call wraps up our discussion on Divorce 101 with a review of the concepts. Tonight's focus will be on picking 'The Right Tool for the Job at Hand". Sometimes a parent can unintentionally escalate the process that leads to full blown war in Family Court when they let their emotions "get the better of them".“Divorce 101 - 7 Step Review Process: Your Tools To Wage Peace During Divorce” is the process of selecting the appropriate tool from the Divorce 101 Steps in order to effectively and appropriately plan for a better outcome through the process of waging peace, resorting to Family Court only if necessary, or Dad is left with no other option by Mom.

Sometimes parents are so overwhelmed by the legal process, and their own emotional response to it that they cause themselves and their children unnecessary strife and trouble. By having a review process and tools to manage the separation and divorce process, Dad can make a HUGE difference in the outcome of separation and/or divorce for his children. By his example, he can demonstrate that he is a man of peace and goodwill; People are not what they say, people are what they do - Divorce 101 gives Dad a framework by which to judge and correct conduct during one of life's most stressful times.

Having a process, strategy and tools in order to work one's way through a divorce management plan can reduce conflict, save money in legal fees and hep children better adjust to the realities of having two homes. Children cope to the degree their parents cope during separation and divorce. Divorce 101 helps support Dad's efforts to be the good man/father he claims to be; having at least one parent with a well thought out and well considered plan during this turbulent time is the best example for children when separation and/or divorce take place. It creates an opportunity for peace, or begins the process of using peace as a positioning tool in Family Court when Mom insists that "waging war" is the only way to peace.

Ultimately this puts truth to the lie - Waging war over children is never appropriate conduct at any time; Waging peace is the antidote to one of the most serious social problems of our time - the impact of separation and/or divorce on children.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #8

Our topic for Monday's call is “Divorce 101 - Step Seven - Litigation: Waging Peace on Behalf of Children During Divorce”.

Entering the Family Court to do battle is the LAST thing a divorced dad wants to be doing. It is the wrong approach. By "waging peace" instead of "waging war" over children, divorced dads can establish their parental capacity and fitness to be better able to meet a child's developmental and emotional needs than a parent willing to "wage war" at all costs.Children of divorce have one persistent fantasy - That Mom and Dad will get back together for their sake.

Unfortunately that's not going to happen in many cases. The next best thing is for Mom and Dead to end their fight and at very least meet their duty and obligation to provide a happy safe haven for their children from a world that can be harsh, unforgiving and cruel. When a child's home life with their parents is harsh, unforgiving and cruel, children learn bitterness, disapointment and hate as a primary modus operandi.This can have terrible consequences and outcomes for children. They never learn to trust, love openly or form meaningful relationships - while they may be surrounded by people, they live lives of quiet desperation and loneliness, craving companionship but having no skills to find, judge, acquire, nourish nor maintain such relationshipsParenting Enrichment is the best thing separating / divorcing parents can do for their children to better meet their needs during all stages of the breakdown of the marriage. Often children believe that the separation and / or divorce is their fault.

Sometimes parents are so overwhelmed by the legal process, and their own emotional response to it that they inadvertently neglect their children's needs for their love and leadership. Your child deserves the best from their parents, despite separation and / or divorce. Don't sentence your child to a life of empty relationships because they have no opportunities to learn how to make peace when war is being waged against them.

“Divorce 101 - Step Six - Litigation: Waging Peace on Behalf of Children During Divorce” will show you how to extend the olive branch of "waging peace" or using it as a positioning /cornering tool when you are left with no alternative but to put a matter before a Family Court Judge.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #7

Our topic for Sunday's call is “Divorce 101 - Step Six - Enrichment: Meeting Your Child's Needs During Divorce”. Parenting Enrichment is the best thing separating / divorcing parents can do for their children to better meet their needs during all stages of the breakdown of the marriage. Often children believe that the separation and / or divorce is their fault. Sometimes parents are so overwhelmed by the legal process, and their own emotional response to it that they inadvertently neglect their children's needs for their love and leadership.

Often their are value conflicts that become more pronounced, exaggerated and exacerbated during these difficult times, all affecting the developmental needs of children.

That's where Parenting Enrichment comes in - measuring the impact of the family situation on the developmental needs of the child. Is that child having more difficulty emotionally? How is it affecting the development of their cognitive, reasoning and motor skills? Is there an emerging developmental delay in acquiring competence in a skill?

For example, is your young child not developing gross motor skills as they once were because dad is no longer coaching the baseball team, and the child has quit as a result? How about spelling? Once upon a time your child was getting straight A's in spelling, but has since suffered a decline.

Every child develops differently depending on attributes, skills, inclinations, natural talents and how they are stimulated by their families, friends, school and the events that shape their lives and their perceptions of those events.

If children are to do more than "survive" the separation and / or divorce process, the parents may need help recognizing the connections between their behaviours and the child's responses to the changing environment, whether that be how they now interact with and are stimulated by each parent, and the child's interpretation of the meaning of separation and / or divorce.

We recommend parenting enrichment for situations where children are having obvious difficulties and / or if the situation is from highly to extremely conflictual. A Child Psychologist is best suited to assist in educating parents and if warranted, testing  for the parents and children to determine the best route to creating a supportive, safe and secure environment for a child, in order that they may thrive, despite the family situation.

Your child deserves the best from their parents, despite separation and / or divorce.

“Divorce 101 - Step Six - Enrichment: Meeting Your Child's Needs During Divorce” will show you the important skills you can learn from parenting enrichment that you can directly apply to meeting "The Ultimate Best Interests of The Child" during contentious Family Court Proceedings.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert
The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

 

 Divorced Dad Minute # 15: "Who Really Has Custody of Your Children?": Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 3293

Divorced dads Family Court during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings need to ask themselves a very basic question:

What is custody?

Some divorced dads think custody = time with the children. Not so. That's only one component, and it might not even be the component you "think" you are fighting over. For example, if you make more money then Mom even if you have your child most of the time, you could be paying her some form of child support.

So what is custody?

Generally it is accepted that this is the right that the Family Court grants a parent to decide legal, educational, religious and legal issues for the child.

BUT - Who really has custody of the children?

If divorced dads pondered that for a moment they'd realize a very basic fact:

The state has custody of their children…..

Here's the thing - Most people don't recognize is if the state wants your house for a super highway, they're going to expropriate it.  If they want you to go fight in a war, they're going to conscript you and if you refuse, you're possibly going to military prison.  When it comes to your children, well, guess what?  They are the ones that have the final say.
 
People spend a lot of money fighting over custody without recognizing that very basic fact about the way things are. During custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings, costs can quickly escalate out of control.

Can you afford that?

Picture the following scenario:

You spend over $70,000.00 fighting for custody as a father and lets say you actually win. Is it over? Not by a long shot….First of all you need to be waging peace not war over your kids.

Secondly, the moment you and the ex-wife disagree over custody issues, where do you think you will be going to resolve it if no agreement is reached?

That's right - Family Court. And guess who will make the decision:

A You - the custodial parent; or

B) The Family Court Judge?

The Family Court Judge always has the LAST say. Even when you win custody.

So, what's the whole point of fighting over custody then? Why did you spend so much money? That's a very good question. One you should be asking yourself before you spend that hard earned money.
 
While its true that having custody confers advantages, it does not grant an absolute and final win. Don't take our word for it, ask those who have won custody if this is the so.

Then go ask as many legal and other professionals, lawyers, or if you have an opportunity any politician willing to answer the question.

What you absolutely want is substantial time to remain an equal influence in your child's life. That can be accomplished with generous specified access orders. It can't be with a vague one with no specified parenting times.

You don't want to spend the farm on custody, unless that is an absolute necessity and your facts support that claim. If your facts are weak because you left your kids with Mom, or have been arrested or removed from the home, you will have a very hard time winning custody.

And maybe you don't need to win custody - what you need is equal parenting time. Maybe it will be a slice by slice operation to get to that equal time share; perhaps you will need to pay full child support to get there - at least for awhile.

Life is not always fair, and sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make gains.

BUT REMEMBER THIS FACT: The Family Court Judge always has the LAST say.

Even when you win custody.

That's the way the law is designed when parents can't agree. Don't look at custody as the "be all" solution for every problem.

It's not.

Sometimes trading "custody" for "expanded access" can be a powerful bargaining chip to expand access to a substantial level. It can also reduce legal costs for everyone if that's no longer on the table for negotiation.

Maybe it's what you need to do today. Maybe it is just for a short time, maybe the next few years, perhaps until the kids are teenagers. All of life is change. Don't presuppose that you are "doomed" to be "non-custodial" forever.

Remember if Mom is acting unreasonably, a Judge can straighten her out and make things right for the kids. And perhaps by trading "custody" for expanded access, all the problems with your case evaporate. Judges don't go behind a Court order, they go forward from it, excepting an appeal.

Perhaps Mom will never obey the Court order, but all your previous problems with your case no longer exist. We are going forward from the new Court order.

So if you are obeying all of the Court order and Mom is not, especially when it comes to access, and she is doing this within days of the order, you likely will have a VERY strong foundation to build from to get enforcement of your access, and if it continues, custody of your children.

But don't run to Family Court with every little disagreement.

NO Family Court will micro-manage your family affairs. Asking a Family Court Judge to do so will only upset them and cost you dearly…

So take a deep breath and find a way to manage matters as best you can OUTSIDE of Family Court whenever possible.  When facing custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings learn what is a winning argument and what is a losing argument.

Especially when it comes to custody issues such as who will decide legal, educational, religious and legal issues for the child.

Your finances will thank you for it. And you will have the beginnings of a GREAT gameplan. But you will need help….

That's where Divorced Dad Weekly comes in. Every week we have a FREE teteseminar training call.

Let us know about your progress. Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call Divorced Dad Weekly where we go into more depth on these concepts.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert
The Dynamic Divorce Duo