The following is not legal advice

The quickest way to learn a new skill is to find a mentor or “father figure” who can show you the ropes and put you on the path to the shortcut.
 
Mentors and father figures are everywhere and, you know, having a mentor and a father figure help you out while you're going through a really difficult time when you are mad during divorce can one of the most helpful things that you can do for yourself. 
 
Men don't really have the same sort of support network set up that women do.  Women can easily sit around in the kitchen table and help each other out. Men however won't even stick their head out of the car to ask for directions.
 
It's really important to have a coach, somebody to help you through this process. Get a coach during divorce. 

During divorce, custody, access, and child support matters, divorced dads often don’t realize, that there are two elements to every separation and/or divorce. Even when you are returning to Family Court to re-visit, modify and terminate a Court order.

These elements are:

1) The Family / Educational Problems that Family Court can't solve…

2) The Legal Problems that Family Court will attempt to solve…

The best way to understand and appreciate how this podcast can help can help you and how our other services are organized is by way of an example:

If you were a professional athlete, you'd have a coach and a manager. Your coach would address educational and performance issues and your manager would address business issues.

Fathers Resources services follow the exact same model:

1) Separation & Divorce Management Counseling / Coaching - Provided per our Client Services Fee Agreement. These services address educational and performance issues.

2) Legal Services & Representation  - Provided by, and supervised by Lawyers to address your legal problems.

You have come to us to learn the ideas, insights and strategies of successful divorced dads. It is no secret that divorced dads have a really hard time in Family Court. However, for many years we've worked with these fathers, teaching them methods of approaching their problems. By integrating these services and methods, these divorced dads, "optimized"  their approach for the best chance for success.

Family Law problems often cost a lot of money. You will want to know how to best manage costs by understanding what has worked for fathers and what has worked against them. You will want to understand how to best work with your lawyer, and how Family Court operates. This approach "optimizes" your chances for success.

While no one can guarantee an outcome at Family Court, I can confidently say that the father who applies what we teach stands a far better chance than the one who is uneducated, and knows nothing about working with Lawyers and the Family Court.

Education = Knowledge = Power…

This approach is also based upon the same model of self-education and community resources that women used in the 1970's to educate themselves to begin solving their problems in Family Court. The approach women took 35 years ago created an entire industry to service their needs. Consequently, women do not face many of the problems men face, when it comes to finding help geared to their needs.

Men face HUGE challenges finding such help - For example,we found that out from first hand experience many years ago as a divorced dad and step-mom. We could not find help, so together, we decided to create these unique services that can refer lawyer and other professionals specifically geared to addressing men's needs.

Next, we began researching what worked for men in these situations. What were the methods, tactics, strategies, approaches and ideas that actually work. What we found was this: Kids want peace in their family. And so does Family Court. However dads seemed to be unable to properly address, explain and voice how their plan made peace for their children, while their ex-wives plan did not really address that concern of children.

Being adult children of divorce this made ABSOLUTE sense to both of us. It spoke to our hearts…

More often than not, mom's plan is to do anything necessary to get rid of Dad. Not always - there are lots of great mom's out there who don't act that way. But the dads I see, it is usually their major problem.

And there is a way to better address these issues: With us you will learn the immense value in defusing situations by learning how to "WAGE PEACE" inside and outside Family Court. You will hear me in talk about this strategy again and again in our support group meetings and in our audios.

When you take it to heart, you will begin to see the situation shift. It may take time, depending on how bad the problems are. But those dads who use this approach more often see results. Few cases are so extreme that nothing works. But there are a few - thankfully they are in the minority.

The following will better help you to understand the enormous value of integrating this approach into your situation.

The emotional state you and your former wife are in; the way you and your former wife see things as a result of your emotional state; your verbal and written communication and negotiation skills, the choices you make, how you react to each others way of seeing things, communication style, and values.

Depending on where you are at there are possible family dynamics problems, personal performance problems and/or problems when it comes to the reasonable application of problem solving skills.

As your Separation / Divorce Management Performance Coaches, we act as a sounding board for your ideas, making helpful suggestions to improve your outcome by teaching you how to use your intimate knowledge of how your ex-wife views the world, in order to create helpful tactics and strategies that "wage peace" as opposed to war over your children.

We’re very insistent that client's act from an educated and enlightened perspective, not an angry one. We've developed a "separation and divorce management system that we call Divorce 101 which will help you see things with a fresh set of eyes.

The philosophy and process of Divorce 101 will give you the ways and means to deal with the natural anger you feel over injustice, and give you specific strategies that have helped countless fathers to succeed in their matters, by dealing with their issues, and seeing the situation from a child's perspective.

Go download the special report called Divorce 101 to help introduce you to these concepts. Take some time to review this document and ask yourself how you can apply what you've learned. Feel free to ask us your questions at any time at http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.com

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Sometimes it feels like fathers have no rights whatsoever: Ever get the feeling as a divorced dad that you are spinning your wheels in Family Court? Do you feel like you are losing ground, things are getting worse instead of better? Sometimes a case loses momentum, traction and acceleration.

Perhaps it is time to ask yourself - When is the last time I have sat down to do a Cost Benefit Analysis? How much pain, for how much gain?

When it comes to custody, access and/or child support issues have you achieved everything possible this go-round in Family Court?

Sometimes a case has a limited shelf-life. Sometimes it is time to stop. Sometimes that is the very best move to make, because all the problems and weaknesses in your case that happen before a Court order is granted go away after a final order. That’s because Judge’s don’t look behind orders, they go forward from them.

However sometimes it is time to ADJUST. To do things differently.

The point is this: When it's really not going well, stop everything and reassess: Whether it be you're having a hard time finding your lawyer or you're having a hard time with a particular judge or you're having a hard time in your negotiation, what do you think you ought to do? First of all, stop everything. Reassess things.  Also, you've got to continue to believe that there is a solution.  Start thinking positively.

Attitude is 99% of what wins and loses a case for divorced dads. The cases that have the most successful outcomes for the divorced dads we’ve worked with, in every single one, ATTITUDE has been the one thing that has made all the difference in the world in turning a losing case into a winning one.

THEREFORE - Don't reinvent the wheel. Do what works, lose what doesn't. That is the “golden rule” of success when you are a divorced dad.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

When all else fails, it becomes necessary to take the only step left:

STEP #7: Litigation - The absolute last resort. If you have taken the time to methodically work through these steps properly, you can establish that you have the skills and the willingness to work things out.

Sometimes, it will be the most effective step. But you MUST not simply skip over the other steps. By objectively working your way through the steps that seem most appropriate, you will enhance the prospect of reaching this goal:

Winning = Peace for Your Child. That’s the power of “WAGING PEACE” over children instead of WAR…becoming a super effective advocate, focused solely on the ULTIMATE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD

We’ve been often asked the question: “Why should you wage peace?  Aren't we there to wage war and really like rip the other person a new one?”

Absolutely NOT. That’s what destroys a child’s heart, mind and soul - Being caught in the middle of adult conflict. You’ve got to remember.  Children love mom and dad and when you're in the courtroom, warring against each other, you're actually ripping your child apart.

Children cope to the degree that their parents cope. And if both parents cope badly, children begin to EMULATE and IMMITATE that which they see their two primary role models present as “normal”, socially responsible behaviour. Children will either assume that this is the sensible way to behave, when in fact it only provokes and inflames matters.
 
The cardinal rule here is this: You are the adult. You had a childhood. It is now your kid’s turn to be a child. it's no longer about you. 

It's all about your kid - Show them your best qualities, even when it’s hard to do so.
 
Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #22

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Basics - Part 2”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. We will continue with the process of analysis - asking ourselves a better set of questions designed to optimize our Court case and chances of success that deal with THE BASICS of navigating inside Family Court.

In the Divorced Dad Roadmap, we teach using a roadmap and compass as an analogy: The Divorced Dad  picks a "Compass Heading", completing the steps then moving on to the next compass heading. This gives the divorced dad his own "ROADMAP" to follow to success in Family Court. At each "Compass Heading", the divorced dad has to answer a series of questions:

1) The main question first (MAIN QUESTION); then

2) The questions that support the main questions answer (SUPPORTING QUESTIONS); then

3) Finally, the divorced dad compares re-evaluates his first answer to the main question.

Has his answer to the MAIN QUESTION changed? If so why? What changed the answer?

This is the process of analysis: Ask better questions to get better answers.

Here's the questions to ask yourself this week:

COMPASS HEADING # 1 - APPEARANCE

Question 1  How does the Judge see me?

1.    What does the Judge see when he looks at me?
2.    What personality traits do I exhibit in Family Court?
3.    What have I observed in Family Court?

COMPASS HEADING # 2 - DEMEANOUR

Question 2  How does the Judge hear me?

1.    Am I focused or am I whining and complaining?
2.    Am I wasting valuable Courtroom Time?
3.    Am I on my best behaviour before, after & during Court?

COMPASS HEADING # 3 - PHYSICAL READINESS

Question 3  Am I looking after myself?

1.    Do I look like a healthy, fit and capable father?
2.    Am I in a stable situation with regular routines?
3.    Am I a positive role model for our children?

COMPASS HEADING # 4 - MENTAL PREPAREDNESS

Question 4   Do I have a balanced perspective?

1.    Would I pass an alcohol and/or drug test?
2.    Could I pass random testing for alcohol and/or drugs?
3.    Do I keep good company or with undesireables?

COMPASS HEADING # 5 - EMOTIONAL FITNESS

Question 5   What is my natural temperament?

1.    Do i see myself accurately and as others see me?
2.    Do i exercise self control and discipline easily?
3.    Do I rise to the bait and provocation easily?

COMPASS HEADING # 6 - EXIT STRATEGY

Question 6   How do I get out of Family Court fast?

1.    What is my bottom line exit strategy?
2.    What is the quickest way to settle matters?
3.    Am I prepared to accept that it is never really over?

COMPASS HEADING # 7 - MIRED IN THE BATTLEFIELD

Question 7   What’s must I implement now?

1.    Am I really accomplishing anything?
2.    Can I really accomplish anything else?
3.    Is it time to settle and get ready for the next time?

By taking some time to reflect on better quality questions related to tactics and strategy, divorced dads can improve their chances of success in Family Court through optimization: Looking for the flaws in their case and improving upon them. You can't change others, but you can change yourself, and hence better position yourself for success.

That's the power of asking yourself better questions - You get better answers, solutions, tactics, strategies and raise the level of your "game" because you have devised a superior gameplan.

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Basics - Part 2" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court and its bureaucratic organization and administration. You will find that the teleseminar training call will help you to focus and gain clarity about your situation. Join us on the next TeleSeminarClick here:

Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #21

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Basics - Part 1”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. We will continue with the process of analysis - asking ourselves a better set of questions designed to optimize our Court case and chances of success that deal with THE BASICS of navigating inside Family Court.

In the Divorced Dad Roadmap, we teach using a roadmap and compass as an analogy: The Divorced Dad  picks a "Compass Heading", completing the steps then moving on to the next compass heading. This gives the divorced dad his own "ROADMAP" to follow to success in Family Court. At each "Compass Heading", the divorced dad has to answer a series of questions:

1) The main question first (MAIN QUESTION); then

2) The questions that support the main questions answer (SUPPORTING QUESTIONS); then

3) Finally, the divorced dad compares re-evaluates his first answer to the main question.

Has his answer to the MAIN QUESTION changes? If so why? What changed the answer?

This the process of analysis: Ask better questions to get better answers.

Here's the questions to ask yourself this week:

COMPASS HEADING # 1 - OFFENSIVE PLAN

Question 1  What is my Offensive Gameplan?

1.    How do I constantly promote peace?

2.    How can I change myself to be a credible peacemaker?

3.    What is the “ULTIMATE BEST INTERESTS OF CHILDREN”?

COMPASS HEADING # 2 - DEFENSIVE PLAN

Question 2  What is my Defensive Gameplan?

1.    What is my ex-wife’s most likely strategy?

2.    What is my ex-wife’s most likely tactic?

3.    How can I use “waging peace” to defuse her gameplan?

COMPASS HEADING # 3 - MINOR ERRORS

Question 3  What minor errors am I making?

1.    What are my top three minor errors?

2.    What can I do to change the error in my thinking?

3.    What can I do to change the error in my reactions?

COMPASS HEADING # 4 - STUDY

Question 4   What should I study now?

1.    What is my core strength?

2.    How do I improve my core strength?

3.    What area of study must I focus upon?

COMPASS HEADING # 5 - REHEARSE

Question 5   What do I need to rehearse most?

1.    What am I rehearsing first, second and third?

2.    What is my rehearsal schedule?

3.    What tools do I have to evaluate my progress?

COMPASS HEADING # 6 - MEMORIZE

Question 6   What must I memorize first?

1.    What must I memorize before I anything else?

2.    What tools and aids do I have to memorize with?

3.    What have I forgotten, or am most likely to forget?

COMPASS HEADING # 7 - IMPLEMENT

Question 7   What’s must I implement now?

1.    What steps/actions must I implement today?

2.    What shortcuts are available to implementation?

3.    Am I measuring my speed of implementation?

By taking some time to reflect on better quality questions related to tactics and strategy, divorced dads can improve their chances of success in Family Court through optimization: Looking for the flaws in their case and improving upon them. You can't change others, but you can change yourself, and hence better position yourself for success.

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Basics" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court and its bureaucratic organization and administration. You will find that the teleseminar training call will help you to focus and gain clarity about your situation. Join us on the next TeleSeminarClick here:

Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #20

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Fundamentals”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. IF the first time you enter a Courtroom is for your first hearing, you just blew it - You've positioned yourself for a HUGE loss and a MISSED opportunity to WIN.

The Key is to have a process of analysis - ask yourself a better question to come up with a better answer. Preparation through asking yourself better quality questions is the FUNDAMENTAL key to all success in life.

Learning how any particular judge conducts proceedings in a Courtroom is FUNDAMENTAL to success when you are a divorced dad. Many divorced dads are completely oblivious to what is going on around them when they are in Family Court, because they have not taken the opportunity to ask themself some very basic questions like:

WINNING

Question 1  The Big Picture: What is Winning?

1.    How do I put the kids first and adults second?

2.    How can I change myself if I can’t change others?

3.    What is “THE ULTIMATE BEST INTERESTS OF CHILDREN?”

THE GAMEPLAN

Question 2   Whose gameplan am I following?

1.    What is my ex-wife’s gameplan?

3.    What is my ex-wife most afraid of losing?

3.    How can I use this in my gameplan?

KNOWING

Question 3  What do I really need to know?

1.    Am I acting on my imagination or knowledge?

2.    What do I need to know NOW?

3.    What do I need to do to get that Knowledge?

STRATEGY

Question 4   What strategy will work best?

1.    What is my definition of strategy?

2.    Do I even have a strategy for any aspect of this matter?

3.    What is my immediate strategy for my first problem?

TACTICS

Question 5   What Tactics have worked before?

1.    What is my definition of tactics?

2.    Do I even have a tactics for any aspect of this matter?

3.    What is my immediate tactic for my first problem?

EXECUTION

Question 6   How do I follow through to win?

1.    What must I do first before I do anything else?

2.    What am I doing to prepare and intensify my focus?

3.    What is my tactic and strategy when I’m unfocused?

ADJUSTING

Question 7   What is & how do I apply the lesson?

1.    What really worked well in the situation?

2.    What could I have done better in the situation?

3.    How do I consolidate gains while making improvements?

By taking some time to reflect on better quaslity questions related to tactics and strategy, divorced dads can improve their chances of success in Family Court through optimization: Looking for the flaws in their case and improving upon them. You can't change others, but you can change yourself, and hence better position yourself for success.

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Courtroom" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court and its bureaucratic organization and administration. Join us on the next TeleSeminarClick here:

Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #19

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Courtroom”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. IF the first time you enter a Courtroom is for your first hearing, you just blew it - You've positioned yourself for a HUGE loss and a MISSED opportunity to WIN.

Preparation is the key to all success in life and this holds true for any time you must step inside Family Court for a Judge to render a decision that will affect the lives of your children. learning how any particular judge conducts proceedings in a Courtroom is FUNDAMENTAL to success when you are a divorced dad.Many divorced dads are completely oblivious to what is going on around them when they are in Family Court, because they have not taken the opportunity to learn such simple things as:

WHAT IS THE COURT SCHEDULE?

1. When is the Family Court Scheduled to Convene?

2. Which Court hearings and proceedings can I watch?

3. How do I find out the above information?

HOW DOES THE COURTROOM OPERATE?

1. Who works in this Courtroom?

2. What are the Rules and Procedures in this Courtroom?

3. Who is the Clerk? Who is the Court Reporter?

WHO ARE THE PATICIPANTS IN THE COURTROOM?

1. Who is the Applicant? Who is the Respondent?

2. Do the Parties have lawyers representing? Who are they?

3. Is anyone else participating in the proceeding?

WHAT IS THE PROCEEDING TAKING PLACE?

1. What stage is the proceeding?

2. Is this a conference, a motion or a trial?

3. Is everyone ready to proceed?

WHAT IS THE ATITUDE OF THE JUDGE?

1. What is the demeanor of the Judge?

2. How do the lawyers treat the Judge?

3. How does the Judge rule on issues?

HOW DOES THE JUDGE DEAL WITH GAMESMANSHIP?

1. Does the Judge give everyone fair time?

2. Does the Judge stop games before they begin?

3. What games does this Judge play?

WHAT ORDERS DOES THIS JUDGE MAKE AGAIN & AGAIN?

1. Do you see a pattern in how the Judge rules?

2. Can you predict how this Judge will rule on issues?

3. Can you learn more about this Judge?

A "field trip" to Courtroom can help you learn the necessary insights to being effective in a particular Judge's Courtroom. And you can begin to better understand how knowing these things can improve your chances in Court. It is little known, except by insiders how the way a Courtroom is run can affect the outcomes in terms of Judges' orders at hearings…

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Courtroom" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court and its bureaucratic organization and administration.Join us on the next TeleSeminarClick here:

Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Enrichment is the next step of Divorce 101:

STEP #6: Enrichment - Consult a child psychologist. They can assist with parenting enrichment & a parenting plan. This will heal your child from the impact of the divorce by understanding, appreciating and learning how you can best meet your child's developmental needs.

Don't you think that's important?
 
Children go through the “death of their family” and they have very little understanding of what's going on and they need your support even more.  Remember, this is the death of their family as they've known it. And a child psychologist can help you understand where your child is out with that.
 
Parenting enrichment equals a healthier child during divorce. Why? Because you are looking at what is happening with your child from a developmental perspective. For example, if Dad was the baseball coach, and used to do the math homework and read to his child at bedtime, certain physiological and cognitive skills are being stimulated.

This stimulation in turn produces growth in an attribute / skill within the developing child. For example throwing a baseball utilizes hand to eye co-ordination skills, gross motor skills, fine motor skills to name a few. mathematics engages analytical and logical brain functioning. Listening and engagement during reading develops cognitive and articulation functioning.

If Mom isn’t doing these things, then there is a deficit for the child, which will reflect itself in terms of educational reports, the mood of the child who is missing the companionship during bedtime routines, and the camaraderie between father and son in the setting of a baseball team the son belongs to which the father coaches.

Child development is measurable by a developmental psychologist, who can help with the development of an appropriate parenting  plan.

It’s a simple strategy, but absolutely effective in producing child centered evidence on what is best for a child based on the child’s personality and history, in particular the relationships and attachments formed by the child between his two parents.

So if you are stuck and your child is hurting, consider parental enrichment as a means to find the elusive solution to difficult Family Court problems.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #18

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Courthouse”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. 

IF the first time you visit the Family Court is when your matter is being heard, you are positioning yourself for a HUGE loss and a MISSED opportunity to WIN. Preparation is the key to all success in life and this holds true for any time you must step inside Family Court for a Judge to render a decision that will affect the lives of your children.

Many divorced dads are completely oblivious to what is going on around them when they are in Family Court, because they have not taken the opportunity to learn such simple things as:

LEARN WHERE YOUR COURT IS

1.    What Family Court Jurisdiction do I go to?
2.    Where is it located and what hours does it sit?
3.    How do I get  there and how long does it take?

LEARN WHO YOUR COURT STAFF ARE

1.    Who works at this Court, and who is good at their job?
3.    Who is in charge of what and why?
3.    Who is the Senior Judge in Charge? Who is their boss

LEARN THE LAYOUT OF THE COURT

1.    What facilities  - Parking. copiers, faxes, washrooms?
2.    Where are the Courtrooms, Dockets, Counsel Slips?
3.    How are conferences and motions administered?

LEARN WHAT INFORMATION AND HELP IS AVAILABLE

1.    Where is the Literature Rack?
2.    Is there an Information Office and Officer?
3.    Is there Legal Aid and a Duty Counsel/Attorney?

 LEARN ABOUT THE COURT CLERKS

1.    Who is the best Clerk to deal with?
2.    Phone numbers for Clerks & Judge’s Secretaries?
3.    Where do I get forms and swear & file documents?

 LEARN ABOUT MEDIATION FACILITIES

1.    Can you speak with a mediator?
2.    What are the mediation policies?
3.    How do I set up mediation?

 LEARN WHO WORKS WITH WHICH JUDGE

1.    What Clerk is assigned to each Judge?
2.    Who are the Court Reporters in this Courthouse?
3.    What Judges hear matters like mine?

A "fieldtrip" to Family Court can remedy this situation. And you can begin to better understand how knowing these things can improve your chances in Court. It is little known, except by insiders how the administration of Family Court can affect the outcomes in terms of Judges' orders at hearings…

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Courthouse" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court and its bureaucratic organization and administration.

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Mediation is the next step of Divorce 101:

STEP #5: Mediation - A professional mediator can help when the lines of communication break down. Mediators are trained in conflict resolution. It's always a good idea to have an intermediary when there are difficulties in reaching compromises. Plus it is a concrete demonstartion / evidence of the willingness to negotiate.

Mediation as a Divorce 101 strategy is extending an "olive branch of peace".

There are two types of mediation, which normally are agreed in advance through a mediation contract that spells outthe terms of the mediation and the subject matter:

1) Open Mediation - A report can issue from this form of mediation and can be used in Court as evidence.

2) Closed Mediation - No report can issue from this form of mediation or be used in Court as evidence.

There are several differing forms of mediation within these two groups:

- Regular mediation: The most common form when two parties meet with a mediator both together and separately to come to a compromise

- Shuttle mediation: When the parties cannot face each other, sometimes a mediator will conduct a negotiation with the parties in separate rooms. The two parties also can meet with a mediator separately to come to a compromise.  

- Therapeutic Mediation is the combination of conflict resolution with an exploration of the root causes of disagreements from a therapeutic perspective. Again, the two parties meet with a mediator both together and separately to come to a compromise. However, they don’t meet together with the mediator to do therapy unless that’s agreed upon in advance.

Mediation can produce an interim agreement in principle. It is then reviewed by both parties lawyers who render legal advice prior to execution.

Alternately, a divorced dad can use mediation as a “Cornering Strategy” when dealing with a difficult or stubborn ex-wife who either refuses to negotiate or always changes the terms of any deal that is brokered between themselves or with the help of lawyers.

A "cornering strategy” is defined as a tactic designed to demonstrate the objective truth. It is then up to the Family Court Judge to assign weight to that evidence as to its relevance, what does it actually demonstrate, how reliable  it actually is, then to draw inferences and conclusions if possible, either positive or negative from that part of the evidence.

Most divorced dads give up the idea of using mediation when Mom won't participate. You however have a better game plan: As an alternative, you'll attend sessions by yourself, to improve and learn new communication skills from a mediator. When mediation is used in this manner it is a "cornering strategy” designed to demonstrate who is focused on making things better through example, and who is focused on waging war, even when they do so in a passive aggressive manner.

In order to do this, you’d need a mediator to agree that they’d be willing to meet with you. Understandably, in the future, you could not use this mediator, as there might be a perception of bias.

In this scenario, a mediator might possibly report that Mom did not and/or refused to attend, that you did, and that you worked together on improving your communication skills in order to assist in your negotiations. However, no report of this kind can draw definite conclusions on why Mom did not and/or refused to attend, unless she so indicated her reasons.

In the final analysis, mediation is a tool which can be very helpful. Even if you must think outside of the box to utilize and unlock it’s potential to resolve your Family Law matter.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
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Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
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The following is not legal advice

Let's examine the next step of Divorce 101:

STEP #4: Negotiation - Most people rely on 1 or 2 negotiating strategies. Study, learn and apply the skills required to negotiate. Increase your options and you are closer to a creative win/win solution.

Most people rely on one or two negotiating strategies to persuade others to see things their way. Rarely will having only one or two negotiating options work in your favour. Especially if the person you are negotiating with has more options.  You need to study, learn and apply new skills to become a better negotiator. Go to a bookstore and you can find all kinds of books on negotiation.

Our recommendation: The Harvard Negotiating Project has a series of books. “Getting to Yes” by Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton is your best option in our opinion, to begin your educational process when it comes to becoming a better negotiator.

Communication really is the key component to any negotiation strategy and as you can see, these steps in Divorce 101 all begin to build on one another. When you increase your options, you're much closer to a creative win-win solution. Plus if you go into Family Court out of true necessity, you will have a far better appreciation of the subtleties of negotiation with your ex-wife’s lawyer and even the Judge when in the midst of a hearing about an issue for temporary and/or final orders.

Negotiation is one of the primary tools Family Court Judge’s expect both Mom and Dad to engage in to resolve a problem. When one person becomes totally inflexible, that often, (but not always) tells the Family Court Judge who the real problem is. To avoid that sort of label you want to learn how to “Think Before You Speak”.

Roy J. Lewicki, Alexander Hiam and Karen Wise Olander’s “Think Before You Speak”: A Complete Guide to Strategic Negotiation,  is the second book we’d recommend. On the back cover of the hard cover, there’s a great chart which summarizes the negotiating process and what each step consists of:

STEP 1: Analyze Strategic Issues: Overview/Plan; Assess your position and the other party; Analyze the Context the Situation is Taking Place In

STEP 2: Select A Strategy…

STEP 3: Initiate The Negotiation Process: Competition; Collaboration; Other Strategies

STEP 4: Manage The Negotiation Process: Building Collaboration; Resolving Conflict; Third Party Help To Resolve Conflict; Communicating; Legal Ethical Issues; Dealing With Multiple Parties in Negotiations; Global Negotiation

STEP 5: Obtain Outcomes And Learn From The Experience: Improving Negotiation

These five steps are the distilled into…

===> The Twelve Rules of Strategic Negotiation <===

RULE 1:     Wait! Take it slow. Take time to plan before you act.

RULE 2:     Define your bargaining range, and what you’ll accept in the worst case scenario.

RULE 3:     Define your interests: What do you want, what do you need and why?

RULE 4:     Pursue and protect your needs, not your position.

RULE 5:     Follow the eight steps of negotiation planning in Chapter One.

RULE 6:     THE OTHER PARTY holds the key to success.

RULE 7:     POWER gives you leverage over BOTH the outcome and the relationship.

RULE 9:     Don’t compete unless you are prepared to…LOSE

RULE 10:    Reciprocate “unfairly”…

RULE 11:    TRUST is easier to destroy than it is to build.

RULE 12:    INVEST in negotiations WISELY.

Resources such as these two books are an investment in time well spent to learn the skills necessary to de-escalate situations before they get out of control. They are also an investment for when they do get out of control and land in Family Court: You NEVER want a Family Court Judge thinking you are the problem. Therefore, invest time in learning how to become a better negotiator to reduce legal fees, and to re-position yourself within your facts as the problem solver, not as the troublemaker…

To avoid that sort of label you need to set aside some time for these two books. Don’t expect miracles at first; You simply need to put in some time to learn how to see things differently then you have been raised to since childhood, because “Getting To Yes” from your ex-wife often means you need to learn how to “Think Before You Speak”. As we move through the tips in Divorced Dad Minute, you’ll begin to see that with greater clarity.

The payoff from investing in this approach is less stress because you now have begun the process of divorce management through education. A less stressed parent, is a better parent. One that kids can relate to in an easier way. Making your children feel more at ease is a HUGE part of your strategy when “waging peace”. \

And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
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Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
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into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

The next step of Divorce 101 is:

STEP #3: Education - Believe solutions exist and you will begin to see them. Books, tapes, professionals, support groups, self-help resources provide ideas. Without ideas, the process grinds to a halt.

Here’s a short story to contemplate:

Many years ago, In Halifax, Nova Scotia, we were at a conference for issues pertaining to shared parenting. We’d never been to Halifax before. After settling in and grabbing some dinner, we went to a local downtown bookstore in search of books that we might not have seen elsewhere. It’s something we do when we travel, keep our eyes and ears open for new solutions to the problems and challenges we ourselves face in different areas of our life, and in areas that our clients find challenging.

Within 90 seconds we found a book call “Co-Parenting” by Miriam Galper, so of course we purchased it.

The next day Danny was scheduled to speak. He opened his talk with this example:

“I have never been to Halifax before. It’s a very beautiful city. Upon my arrival I settled in, had dinner, and as is my custom in new places, I go to local bookstores, seeking solutions to the problems and challenges we ourselves face and that our clients face. When I found this book “Co-Parenting” by Miriam Galper. It’s full of many solutions to some of the challenges you are facing that brought you to this conference today. If I can find this book, full of solutions in your town, after only being here for 2-3 hours, imagine what you could find. After all, you live here…”

Think about it - open your eyes and begin believing that there is a solution to your problems. Then go out and begin expecting to find those solutions. It is in creating such a world view and approach to your challenges (notice we’re using the word challenges instead of the word problems…), that solutions are born…

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
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into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #17

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Losing Hand”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. 

Do you even recognize when you have THE LOSING HAND? Many divorced dads are completely oblivious to what is going on around them. They are either in denial or so self centered they are effectively blind to the realities around them. Others are plagued by what I call "The Hope against Hope Syndrome". These divorced dads bury their head in the  sand hoping it will all go away, or that a better  hand might be dealt.

They refuse to play the hand they are dealt, let alone see if they can improve upon it. Others play out the hand they are dealt simply because they are what is known as "The Patsy", someone who loses everything because they don't know the rules of the game, yet pretend that they do. The expert card player can spot these players a mile away.

It's the same in all life situations, including Family Court.

 Using as a backdrop a story about "Alex", whose father took him for his first drink to "The Peeler Bar", we find this soon to be divorced dad in way over his head in a few months time, simply because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and compounded that with being oblivious to who was there, and what he was saying…

Can you improve THE LOSING HAND? Absolutely. If you FOCUS on eliminating it as it manifests in your daily life. That's the hard part though - recognizing old habits and correcting oneself in the moment is the key. BUT it requires constant vigilance and effort. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish the WINNING HAND from THE LOSING HAND - Sometimes they are one and the same, depending entirely on perspective

Is your glass half empty or half full? Depends on what you as a person value and accentuate in the way you view the outside world, events and circumstances. It is the same way with THE LOSING HAND.

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Losing Hand" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court from finding the right lawyer, to how to conduct yourself in the many situations that will unfold during the Family Court process when it comes to "gamesmanship"

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Let's examine the next step of Divorce 101:

STEP #2: Communication - Learn to apply these skills: Regulation of self-talk, Reframing of how you see and describe a situation to yourself and others, Persuasion and Influence. These skills enable proper comprehension and articulation of the problems. This always leads many creative solutions.

You need to learn to apply these skills, regulation of self-talk, meaning the way that you talk to yourself; reframing, when you're thinking negatively, reframe the situation into something positive.  The powers of persuasion and influence will be skills that go a long way to helping you in family court in your negotiations.

These are really important steps to learn and skills to master. The place to begin is to accept that the how you communicate to yourself and others has a HUGE impact on your outcome. By taking responsibility for the impact of your communication on yourself and others, you can literally turn a situation around through reframing and repositioning yourself into best position possible circumstances within the set of facts that make up your Family Court case.

First begin with the little voice in your head. If you’re prone to accentuating the negative in any situation, then you need to train and condition your mind “to seeing the glass as half full, instead of seeing the glass as half empty…”. The manner in which you describe the world to yourself affects how you see the world, and how you interact with it. Being negative, contrary, argumentative or communicating in any manner that others don’t want to listen to is your “wake up call” to examine how you describe and see the world to yourself.

So first focus on the voice inside your head. Begin a process of reconditioning the way you talk and communicate internally. If you’re having difficulty, then apply Step One - Invigoration to “break the circuit” of negativity in your self-talk. Remember, physiology will affect your feelings and your feelings will affect your communication, especially how you see and describe things to yourself.

The next stage is to examine the impact of how you communicate to others. You need to develop a burning desire to master the principles of human relations, and apply those principles at every opportunity. Make it into a game and try to catch yourself violating those principles.  ThTake responsibility for the impact of your words. Pick up at your local bookstore the book:

"How to Win Friends, and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's available as a paperback book just about anywhere books are sold.

This book is one of the biggest selling books of ALL time. You don't even need to read it cover to cover, BUT we suggest you do, To get the most immediate impact, read the summaries at the end of each chapter. That's about 8 very short pages. This book will teach you the following four areas of “communication mastery”:

PART 1: The Three Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

PART 2: The Six Ways To Make People Like You

PART 3: The Twelve Strategies How to Win People To Your Way of Thinking

PART 4: The Nine Principles of How To Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

In total there are 30 Dale Carnegie Communication Principles divided over these four parts of his book. When you have a communication problem review these 8 summarized pages of principles, and then dig into the specifics that you think may be the root of the problem from the perspective of what you are communicating.

You can’t change how people see you and think about you without first changing yourself. Step 2 - Divorce 101: Communication is the method to access the tool you need to get the job done right the first time, instead of resorting to blaming someone else for all your problems.

The mastery of communication skills, as taught in the Dale Carnegie Book: "How to Win Friends, and Influence People" leads to better creative solutions for divorced dads. Taking the principles in this book to heart is one of the most fundamental and powerful strategies when “waging peace” in Family Court.
 
Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Let's examine the next step of Divorce 101:

STEP #1: Invigoration - The death of one's family brings about 4 stages: Denial, Anger, Grieving and Acceptance. Vigorous physical activity helps
lower stress. This supports problem solving which leads to Acceptance.

This step is the foundation to all others: How you feel (physiology) affects how you think (psychology), and how you think affects how you feel.

Lets take a deeper look at this: Your "physiology" affects your "psychology" and vice versa. Here's an example - You just got the dream job, or won the lottery, or maybe won the day in Family Court, your body language will be consistent with those results.  Others will see a very happy fellow…

Conversely if you just lost the dream job, lost your life's savings and got your backside kicked in Family Court, you'll likely be feeling pretty low down and depressed, and your body language will be consistent with those thoughts of depression.

Invigoration is an attempt to override how you feel by putting yourself into a "peak mental state". It's a management tool to modify behaviour. In the context we are suggestion invigoration is physical activity designed to help lower your stress and support. problem-solving.

This approach eventually leads you to the acceptance of your problem and to finding and applying the ultimate best solution that focuses on what's best for the children.
 
So here's the next equation:

Invigoration = Stress Management.

Why?

Invigoration comes about through some form of  vigorous exercise, such as a very brisk walk, jogging, swimming 50 laps in the pool, weight lifting or anything else that makes you break a sweat. This activity leads to stress reduction.

Stress reduction from invigoration will always begin to promote clear thinking during divorce. Therefore now you have a "Stress Management" system which forms the foundation of  "Divorce Management Plan".

After all you can't properly strategize and plan under stress unless you have a way to manage and dissipate it. So every divorced dad needs to consider this first step, in order to regain clarity and objectivity during the stress of the Family Court Process.

Remember, kids cope to the degree that parents cope during divorce. Now you have a better management system for your kids to emulate when things get rough during divorce.

Plus it's something you can actually do together to feel good that's healthy and fun. So when either you or your kids get depressed over the situation, you now have the tool to begin to fix the problem.

You might be surprised how this also opens up the communication between you and your kids. And that's the next step we'll be dealing with in Divorce 101: Communication.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Today, we're introducing the steps to Divorce 101.  This is an overview of seven steps to divorce healing. For the next several installments, we're going to be going through each and every one of these steps in more detail.  These are the fundamentals of your divorce management plan.

STEP #1: Invigoration - The death of one's family brings about 4 stages: Denial, Anger, Grieving and Acceptance. Vigorous physical activity helps lower stress. This supports problem solving which leads to Acceptance.

STEP #2: Communication - Learn to apply these skills: Regulation of self-talk, Reframing of how you see and describe a situation to yourself and others, Persuasion and Influence. These skills enable proper comprehension
and articulation of the problems. This always leads many creative solutions.

STEP #3: Education - Believe solutions exist and you will begin to see them.  
Books, tapes, professionals, support groups, self-help resources provide ideas. Without ideas, the process grinds to a halt.

STEP #4: Negotiation - Most people rely on 1 or 2 negotiating strategies. Study, learn and apply the skills required to negotiate. Increase your options and you are closer to a creative win/win solution.

STEP #5: Mediation - A professional mediator can help when the lines of communication break down. Mediators are trained in conflict resolution.  This strategy is extending and "olive branch of peace". Most divorced dads give up the idea of using mediation when Mom won't participate. You however have a better game plan: As an alternative, you'll attend sessions by yourself, to improve and learn new communication skills from a mediator. When mediation is used in this manner it is a "cornering" strategy designed to demonstrate who is focused on making things better through example.

STEP #6: Enrichment - Consult a child psychologist. They can assist with parenting enrichment & a parenting plan. This will heal your child from the impact of the divorce by undersatnding, appreciating and learning how you can best meet your child's developmental needs.

STEP #7: Litigation - The  absolute last resort. If you have taken the time to methodically work through these steps properly, you can establish that you have the skills and the willingness to work things out. Sometimes it will be the most effective step, but you MUST not simply skip over the other steps. By objectively working your way through the steps that seem most appropriate, you will enhance the prospect of reaching this goal:

These are the steps to applying this formula successfully:

Winning = Peace For Your Child
 
If you are wanting to dig right in, sign up for our newsletter and receive our special report:

Divorce 101: How to Protect Your Children From The Divorce Industry.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Need help?  Sign up for our free newsletter and report:
Divorce 101 - 7 Steps to Waging Peace
which can be found on the top of right hand side of the home page.

Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call
Divorced Dad Weekly where we go
into more depth on these concepts

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #16

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Losing Attitude”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. 

Do you even recognize when you have THE LOSING ATTITUDE? Many divorced dads don't even recognize that their entire family history may have led them to The LOSING ATTITUDE. Using as a backdrop a story about "Dave", whose ffather taught him that he will get screwed again and again and again, so he better look out for himself, we meet dave and his boyhood buddies as they have a few beers while they check out the local hotties like Little Miss Tight Sweater.

As the story progresses, we see how Dave's way of seeing things have permeated every aspect of his life, and the consequences that flow from this unfortunate perspective.

Can you improve THE LOSING ATTITUDE? Absolutely. If you FOCUS on eliminating it as it manifests in your daily life. That's the hard part though - recognizing old habits and correcting oneself in the moment is the key. BUT it requires constant vigilance and effort. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish the WINNING ATTITUDE from THE LOSING ATTITUDE - Sometimes they are one and the same, depending entirely on perspective

Is your glass half empty or half full? Depends on what you as a person value and accentuate in the way you view the outside world, events and circumstances. It is the same way with THE LOSING ATTITUDE.

The Divorced Dad Road Map: "The Losing Attitude" will teach you the skills you will need to successfully navigate through Family Court from finding the right lawyer, to how to conduct yourself in the many situations that will unfold during the Family Court process when it comes to "gamesmanship"

Join us on the next TeleSeminar
Click here: Next Divorced Dad Weekly TeleSeminar Training Call

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert

The Dynamic Divorce Duo

The following is not legal advice

Download link for Action Guide #15

Our topic for this Sunday's call is “The Divorced Dad Roadmap - The Winning Hand”. Tonight's call continues The Divorced Dad Roadmap training calls for 2008. The Divorced Dad Roadmap is a process in which you can begin your preparations and review your progress as you prepare for Family Court proceedings. 

Do you even recognize when you have THE WINNING HAND? Many divorced dads don't even recognize what hand they are playing when they enter into the initial stages of separation and divorce. Many believe they can't win, let alone break even. As a result, many opportunities are lost at every step. The key strategy of successf