Podcast #17 - Divorced Dad Minute - Winning = Peace For Your Child
The following is not legal advice
Here's the formula for saving money, time and grief in Family Court when you are a divorced dad facing the enormous challenges and obstacles that men face during separation and divorce when things turn nasty:
Winning = Peace for your Child…
That's the perspective you must take to heart if you are to be a successful divorced dad. The equation:
Winning = Win at all costs
means that it is all about you, not the children. And the Family Court Judge will see that instantly. That will cost you a fortune in legal fees, yours and Mom's which the Judge will most likely award against you for being so focused on winning, instead of making it better for the children. There's also the cost of this ongoing fighting and how it affects the children. It affects children in a very negative way. For example, kids want their parents to get along. In fact, they want them to get back together, but if there's a divorce, that's not going to happen.
So, the next best thing then is making peace for your child - Peace for your child means winning for theor family. It's a priceless gift. When you look at the statistics of what happens to children of divorce, those whose families are at war do poorly in school, learn poor social skills from watching this constant fighting, feel insecure, have poor self esteem.
This translates into young children having more problems as teenagers as they express their anger over their family situation through cutting classes, poor marks at school, juvenile delinquency, using alcohol and drugs, engaging in promiscuity. What these children are really expressing and saying in the only way they know how is:
"Can you hear me now?"
And every time they feel that they are not heard, their acting out becomes more severe. That's because they are still developing as people. They've not yet developed the language skills to articulate how they feel, the specific impacts the behaviour of Mom and Dad being at war is having on them.
Besides, even if they did have those skills, if their is a "culture of war" instead of a "culture of peace" when it comes to their parents methods of communicating on how to raise their children, how safe will these kids feel to actually share their feelings?
Children are neither stupid, blind nor uncaring - They love their parents dearly. When their parents fight at ever turn, this tells a child at some deep level, (whether they can actually express it in these words, or its just a very deep feeling of loss that they are having great difficulty in coming to terms with): "…you don't love me enough to stop fighting….why don't you love me the way I need you to love me?"
Got it?
Winning = Peace For Your Child
Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.
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