The following is not legal advice

 

 Divorced Dad Minute # 14: "Losing Badly? Time to Modify Your Approach": Play Now | Play in Popup | Downloads 1799

Divorced dads are often losing badly in Family Court during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings because they lack good observation skills. They literally don't see it coming…

But the strange things is that those people who are a bit more detached from the situation often do. Unfortunately for such divorced dads one of those people is the Family Court Judge hearing the matter.

Like it or not, the Family Court Judge has the power during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings to make decisions that can have HUGE sweeping consequences for children of divorced dads.

The main problem is anger naturally felt by anyone who feels they are being treated unfairly.

The even larger problem is that often the anger while justifiable is misdirected and unhelpful, only serving to compound the problems during divorced dads face during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings.

Have you ever met anybody who's got it all wrong, but they're still doing the same thing over and over and over again? Could that person possibly be you? Does it get worse when you go to Family Court?

That's not a god thing at all. The cure is simple though: Develop a good objective sense of the impact your communication style and habits have when you are trying to improve things during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings not only inside the Family Court, but outside of it as well.

Bad habits are hard to break. If you're losing, take a step back and look at what's going on. Instead of engaging in "blame games", flip it around and ask yourself what your responsibility is in the problem you are facing.

If the answer is that you "….don't have any responsibility, it's all her fault…." that's the problem. You are not acknowledging that you picked this person to have a relationship with.

What does that say about you?

When you can honestly answer that question you are 50% of the way to your solution. Allow us to suggest how to get the other 50% of that solution to improving things during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings not only inside the Family Court, but outside of it as well:

Improve your communication skills that will provide next 25% of your solution. Take responsibility for the impact of your words. Pick up at your local bookstore the book:

"How to Win Friends, and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's available as a paperback book just about anywhere books are sold.

This book is one of the biggest selling books of ALL time. You don't even need to read it cover to cover, BUT we suggest you do, To get the most immediate impact, read the summaries at the end of each chapter. That's about 20 very short pages.

Isn't that easy? Ready for the final 25%?

Take responsibility for the impact of your deeds. People are not what they say, they are what they do. What they say is the oil to grease the wheels of interaction and discourse with others.

Did you notice that we did not say actions? Deeds are what you do when you go the extra mile in your actions with others. What we do also provides "the grease" in our interactions with others.

When your words and deeds match each other, your behaviour is congruent. That "congruency" makes your words equal your deeds and your deeds equal your words. They support each other and the natural result is "enhanced credibility".

Credibility is 'the coin of the realm" in Family Court. Without you will not be heard.  If you are not heard, you won't be believed. If you are seen as untruthful, you will lose.

Here is the "acid test": Look at your words and deeds through the eyes of your child. Would your child be bursting with pride or would they be:

Confused? Ashamed? Scared?

You now have a context, a set of guidelines in which to measure yourself and set a high standard of conduct. REMEMBER: That which can be measured can be improved.

When you're losing badly, perhaps your behaviour is the problem. Perhaps it does not measure up, Perhaps you are holding your ex-wife to a high standard but not going that extra mile yourself.

In all Courts there is a way of seeing things called "the clean hands doctrine". It goes like this:

"One who seeks justice, must give justice with clean hands…"

If your situation does not measure up, it's time to change up your game plan.  Losing badly during custody, access /  child visitation and child support hearings not only inside the Family Court, but outside of it as well:

It's time to modify your approach and get a new game plan. Incorporating the above thinking is the place for you to start.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

That's where Divorced Dad Weekly comes in. Every week we have a FREE teteseminar training call.

Let us know about your progress. Join us on our weekly teleseminar / webcast training call Divorced Dad Weekly where we go into more depth on these concepts.

Listen to today's Divorced Dad Minute to learn how….come back often for new insights on how you can begin turning your situation around today.

Danny Guspie & Heidi Nabert
The Dynamic Divorce Duo